ME/CFS 5 Tips For Doing More Safely

Coach and Trainer Simon Pimenta discusses strategies for doing more, without ‘pushing through’ or ignoring your body, if you have ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia or Glandular Fever.

If are suffering from any of the above conditions, you will know how it feels to not be able to trust your body. Not knowing if you can have a shower, go for a walk, or chat to a friend without relapsing/feeling exhausted can result in feelings of anxiety. This is something that was very familiar to me when I was off sick with ME/CFS.

Some people might not relate to this: that’s fine if this doesn’t apply to you. If you are one of those fortunate people who is able to maintain zen like calm, even when you are lying in bed having over-done it, I take my hat off to you. I wasn’t one of those people. I would at times be lying in bed frustrated, chastising myself, and not helping my situation by doing so. If you are feeling extremely poorly, the following information may not be relevant to you at this time. There were times when I was pretty much bed bound, and simply eating, showering and resting was all I was capable of. If this is the case, I hope that you find the article Dealing With A Relapse of some help.

I remember deciding to go to a mediation class. It was a 10-minute drive, but I actually felt anxious at the thought of going, for the reasons stated above. Given that the objective of the class was to relax, getting stressed about going seemed to defeat the purpose!

Going to the class was within the limits of what I could do at the time: I was able to drive short distances, I could lie on the floor on comfortable padded mats covered in blankets, and spend a bit of time chatting to people. So on paper, it was a reasonable thing to do. However, it was something I wasn’t used to doing, consequently I felt a degree of apprehension. Whilst this was understandable, it wasn’t helpful.

I got myself there, and did find it relaxing. However, the anxiety probably diminished the beneficial effects. I continued to go, and after just a few weeks found that I was now feeling relaxed about going, instead of anxious. I benefitted from meditating; I slept well after the class. Now that I was more relaxed, meditating with other people induced powerful feelings of relaxation, compared to doing meditation on my own.

Overdoing It
On the other hand, sometimes I tried to do too much, and pushed myself beyond my limitations at that time. This wasn’t helpful either. For instance, I would go clothes shopping (there were times when I couldn’t have contemplated doing this as I wasn’t well enough).  I didn’t do go often and didn’t enjoy it, so I would try to buy lots of clothes. The result: I would then feel exhausted for days.

What I learned from this is that it is important to discern how and when I could do things in a safe way. Going to the meditation class was stepping out of my comfort zone, in that I was doing something unfamiliar, but I wasn’t pushing myself beyond my physical limits. I am not suggesting that you ignore your current limitations.

The title of Susan Jeffers her book ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ describes her philosophy. The problem with that approach is that if we are in a state of fear, we are activating the fight or flight response, and this suppresses certain functions, including immune function, the body’s ability to create and store energy, as well as affect the quality of sleep, and our digestive system.

I now realise that when I had ME/CFS/Fibromyalgia, there were times when I was often in a state of fear. I was thinking the following kinds of thoughts, and other unhelpful thoughts, a lot of the time:
“If I do ‘x’, will it make me worse?”
“Will I be able to do ‘x’?”
“If I do too much exercise, then I will relapse. If I don’t do enough, I won’t sleep well, and I will relapse.”

I realised that sometimes the anxiety was having an impact on my ability to do certain things that I could actually do at the time. As I have already said, some people may relate to this, but I am not suggesting that it applies to everybody.

I recognised that my tolerance of stress was markedly reduced. The anxiety was exhausting and debilitating, as activating the fight or flight response when unwell was putting an added burden on my body, and I ended up feeling worse afterwards as a result.

So I found that learning how to recognise when I was becoming anxious and developing strategies to calm this response was important. As I handled my fear, and took small, safe steps,  I found that I could do things that previously would have taken more of a toll on me.

So can we do more in a way that is safe and reasonable? These steps may help. However, use your judgement as to what is appropriate for you. Do not push yourself beyond your limits.

 1. Identify A Goal
What is it you would like to achieve? Let’s say you want to go clothes shopping, or you want to wash your hair.

Set SMART goals, which stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound.

So if the goal is to go clothes shopping, you could state the goal as: “Today I am going to go into town at 11am and spend an hour looking for a pair of shoes to buy. I will be back at 1pm.”

If the goal is to wash your hair, you might say: “Today, by 5pm, I will have washed my hair.”

Check that it is reasonable and realistic. Is this goal within your current limitations? If not, then you need to:

2. Chunk It Down
If the prospect of doing something seems to big, for instance going shopping feels like it is too far outside your comfort zone, think about how you could break it down into smaller chunks or steps. So you may decide to get the bus into town, and then come straight home again. You might do this a few times, until it feels familiar. Only if and when you feel that it is within what you can do, you might decide to spend some time shopping. You can then increase the time spent shopping when you feel that it is within your capability.

Similarly, if your goal wash to wash your hair, and you just don’t feel up to it, you can decide that it’s ok to leave it for today. Don’t push yourself beyond your limits.

3. Learn Relaxation Strategies
Relaxation is a powerful tool. We use visualisation a lot of the time. Unfortunately we visualise things going wrong, or scary scenarios, which is unhelpful for the reasons already stated. I would sometimes lie in bed in negative anticipation of an event that hadn’t happened, and I know I am not alone in doing this. A simple way of using visualisation positively is to remember a time when you experienced feeling a good feeling, for instance feeling relaxed, as if you are there right now, seeing the thing you see, hearing the sounds, feeling the physical sensations. This can help trigger feelings of relaxation. In the article Dealing With A Relapse, I talk you through what to do in more detail. Teaching relaxation is beyond the scope of this article, but it is something worth learning.

Use any techniques that you know of that help you get into a relaxed state. You can download some simple relaxation strategies by going to the ‘Downloads’ section of my website. Keep practicing these techniques and use them before going out. Practicing these techniques every day for a month can help you develop the ability to get into relaxed states.

4. If You Fall Over, Be Kind To Yourself
If you do overdo it, be kind to yourself. Berating yourself isn’t helpful. Developing compassion towards ourselves is vital if we want to do all we can to reduce stress and activate relaxation.

5. View Setbacks As Temporary
Sometimes, I made the mistake of seeing any setbacks as confirmation that I couldn’t do something, period.  I would say, “When I try to go shopping, I relapse”. Generalising in this way can be unhelpful and can result in more anxiety. It would have been more useful to say: “This time when I went shopping, I did feel tired afterwards”. Reflecting on the experience and identifying factors that may have contributed to feeling tired on this occasion may have given me useful information for the future. At a later stage, I went swimming and it did wipe me out. So I decided that for the time being, swimming wasn’t right for me. However, as my health significantly improved, I was able to enjoy it.

Closing Thoughts
Recognising that I could manage my anxiety, and approach things in a calm way helped me do more. This is not the same as just ‘pushing  through’. Being in a calm state supports immune function, energy production, improves our sleep, and can have a positive effect on our wellbeing. Remember that you are in charge. Go at your pace, not a pace dictated by someone else.

Disclaimer
This information should not be taken to constitute professional advice or a formal recommendation, and is not intended to replace the advice and treatment of a physician. Any use of the information set forth is entirely at the reader’s discretion.

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  SIMON PIMENTA is a hypnotherapist, coach and trainer working with people to boost resilience and performance, and minimise stress. After working in a demanding job as the Director of a Housing Trust, he went off sick and remained unable to work for the next 8 years. After trying lot of things to regain his health, he discovered an approach to resolving health issues and quickly got back his health, and now trains others using these same techniques, to help them become happier, healthier and achieve their goals.

If you decide to book a session with Simon, the first session comes with a 100% money back guarantee: you only pay if you get value from the session. (T&Cs apply).