Habits. We all have them. Some good: brushing our teeth twice a day, washing behind our ears. Some not so good: smoking 20 cigarettes a day, beating ourselves up when we make a mistake- something I used to be very good at (the beating myself up, not the 20 a day habit).
It is said that it takes 21-30 days to form a habit, depending on whom you listen to. I’m not sure that it always takes that long; when I gave up sugar in tea or coffee, it tasted strange for about 5 days, and then I was used to it. When I decided to do yoga daily, part of me was resistant to the idea, it was if part of me was saying “Do I have to? I don’t want to”, in a whiny, complaining tone. Yet once I was in the habit of doing it, it became as automatic as brushing my teeth, and now I just do it.
No matter how long it takes, good habits are worth developing. Here are a few suggestions for habits that will boost our self-esteem and confidence. You don’t have to instigate all of them at once (although habits 1-3 work nicely if you do them together). Just focusing on one thing and making it happen will give you confidence to start another.
Habit 1
At the end of the day, when you go to bed, think of at least three things that you have done today that you can give yourself a pat on the back for.
You may just think them, or you can write them down in a journal.
You can just use a notepad but some people to say it’s beneficial to buy yourself a nice book like a moleskin notebook or something that you use just for this.
It doesn’t matter whether they’re small or big things; going for a 20 minutes walk, having a healthy lunch.
It doesn’t matter if it is something that you do daily anyway. I might give myself a pat on the back for doing my daily yoga. Just find at least three things you can give yourself a pat on the back for.
Habit 2
As well as thinking about reasons to give yourself a pat on the back, spend some time reviewing the day and think about what didn’t quite go the way you’d like it to go.
Now just visualise yourself tomorrow facing a similar kind of situation, but now responding the way you would like to respond to this, as if you were watching yourself in a movie.
Step into that movie as if you’re there, and feel how it feels to be responding in that different way to the situation.
For instance, perhaps someone spoke to you in a negative way, or someone was driving aggressively, and you got or upset or annoyed. So what you do is just feel how it feels to just respond to them in a relaxed way. Perhaps you might be saying to yourself “They’re just stressed” or “Clearly they’re not a very happy person” or “they’re having a bad day,”
Recognise that the way people behave is just information about them, and how we respond is information about us.
Habit 3
The next thing to do is to visualise your day going the way you would like it to be, seeing yourself responding to whatever situations you might face in a calm, resourceful manner.
So if the bus is late, or you are stuck in traffic, just visualise yourself in that situation, feel how it feels to be responding to whatever challenges arise calmly.
Inspiration for this approach comes from a story in the Chicken Soup for the Soul books edited by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.
In it there is a story of a School Principal who always seems to be in a good state of mind.
Someone asks him how come he is always in a good mood. He replies that he mentally rehearses the day, seeing himself in a good mood, responding to things in a “I can handle it” state of mind, and believes it influences his experience of the day, even though he can’t predict exactly what is going to happen.
Habit 4
Find some daily time to slow down.
You can as little as 5 minutes a day. If you can spend longer, that’s great; anything from between 5 minutes to half an hour once, twice or three times a day will bring benefits.
You can do a simple meditation, to just slow down your breathing and your thinking. There is a lot of research that demonstrates the benefit of meditation.
A simple meditation that you can do is this:
Set a timer for a specified period.
As you breathe in, silently count in your head “300” and as you and as you breathe out, silently count in your head “299”.
As you breathe in, silently count in your head “298” and as you and as you breathe out, silently count 297”. Keep doing this for the specified time.
Any time you catch your mind wondering, that’s fine; just go back to counting. If you lose your place, just choose a place to carry on counting.
Habit 5
Get some exercise.
Again there is a lot of research that demonstrates the benefit of exercise, including better health, improved sleep, and weight loss.
I was reading an article about a man who was prescribed medication for high blood pressure.
He started exercising for 20-30 minutes daily, by climbing up and down the fire escape stairs at work, and soon was able to come off his medication.
Make a commitment to do a certain amount of exercise each day. If necessary, get off the bus a couple of stops earlier.
If you have a health condition like ME/CFS, I appreciate this can be difficult.
If you can’t exercise, visualise yourself doing exercise in a relaxed manner. Incredible though this sounds, there is research that shows that just visualising do exercise makes the muscles stronger!
Here are a couple of inspiring videos to get you motivated:
Doctors said he wouldn’t walk unaided, yoga teachers turned him away:
Getting Fit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja9BFx5Mhqo
Let me know how you get on putting these tips into practice!
Wishing You Good Health!
Simon
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SIMON PIMENTA is a hypnotherapist, coach and trainer working with people to boost resilience, and minimise stress. After working in a demanding job as the Director of a Housing Trust, he went off sick and remained unable to work for the next 8 years.
He discovered a pioneering approach to resolving health issues and quickly got back his health, and now trains others using these same techniques, to help them become happier, healthier and achieve their goals.