ME/CFS & BEING KIND TO YOURSELF

The topic of being kind to yourself, having compassion and loving your self keeps coming up in the work I do with clients.

Talking about loving yourself may come across as a bit self indulgent.

However, consider that:

1. Being kind to yourself is essential if you have a health issue or are recovering from one, as ANY STRESS is going to make you feel worse and slow down your body’s healing.

2. Even if you don’t have a health issue, being kind to yourself and reducing stress is useful. 

3. Some people are kind and compassionate towards themselves without consciously thinking about it.

They have high self esteem.

[You can do a simple exercise to score your self esteem by downloading the ‘Six Steps To High Self Esteem’ report here]

Consequently, they are comfortable:

1. Setting Boundaries With Others
When I had ME/CFS, I had one friend who was terrible at time keeping.

We would arrange to meet at a certain time, but he was always late.
At the time, my energy was limited, so if I stayed out too long, I would pay for it.

I had to tell him that I would arrive at 7pm and leave at 8.30pm – and I did, even if he arrived at 8.10pm!

A few times, I would arrange to meet him at 6.30pm, and arrive at 7pm or later, thinking that if he turned up on time, he would experience having to wait for me for a change! It never happened.

I have written an article on setting boundaries. You can read it here

2. Saying No To Others
They are able to do this without having to explain or justify themselves.

I remember asking a friend if I could borrow a book once. She just said “No.” I was quite taken aback by her directness and the fact that she didn’t justify herself. Later on she did say that she had lost many books by loaning them to people, but did this from a place of politeness, rather than a need to..

3. Positive Internal Dialogue
They are good at talking to themselves in a positive way, even when things go wrong.

They are able to keep things in perspective, be pragmatic and keep an eye on the bigger picture.

4. Listening To Their Needs
For example, they rest when they need to.

5. Stating Their Needs
People who are assertive are able to state their needs and negotiate with others.

In the example given above with my friend who wasn’t great at time management, one might say “I need to manage my energy. Would you be willing to arrive at the time we agreed, so we can spend that time together?”

These are just some of the traits of people who have high self esteem and are kind and compassionate towards themselves.

What About You?

How good are you at being kind to yourself?

The question I have been asking clients is:

If you did treat yourself with kindness/compassion/self love today and each day, what would you do differently?

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  SIMON PIMENTA is a hypnotherapist, coach and trainer working with people to boost resilience and performance, and minimise stress.

After working in a demanding job as the Director of a Housing Trust, he went off sick and remained unable to work for the next 8 years.

He discovered a pioneering approach to resolving health issues and got back his health, and now trains others using these same techniques.