In Part 1 Coach, Trainer and former sufferer of ME/CFS and fibromyalgia Simon Pimenta explored some general strategies for dealing with Health Professionals who are not treating ME Sufferers in a professional manner. In Part 2, he looks at specific strategies should you wish to respond to them.
You can read Part 1 here
Responding To Unhelpful Health Professionals
There follows some suggestions for things you might say if you do choose to respond. They are only suggestions; you may need to change the language to suit your style of communication, and you have to gauge what is appropriate to say in any given situation; I can’t be held responsible for how others respond! The key is to identify some stock responses that work for you.
1. Initial Response
You may want to show that you are surprised/shocked by your facial expression. Having a facial expression that seems to convey disbelief at what you have just heard sends a message to the person that you are thinking “What did you just say?!”, and do not expect to be talked to in that way.
Using the example mentioned above of the Health Professional making comments about alternative treatments, if that happened to you, you may choose to say something like:
- I’m surprised/shocked that you said that. I see things differently”.
- “Is that a fact, or an opinion?”
- Do you have any evidence to support that view?”
Saying “I feel hurt by your comments” comes with the risk that they dismiss you as being ‘over-sensitive’, and some people may enjoy the fact that they have upset you. So only say this if you feel confident enough to carry it off. I know one person who would say this, and if the person did respond with “You are too sensitive”, he would say “Yes I am sensitive to how I am treated. I’m sure you are too.” with total confidence.
2. No Explanations
Avoid explaining your actions or justifying what you are doing. If questioned about why you are taking a particular course of action, for instance alternative treatments, you might say something like:
- “I don’t feel any need to justify my actions to others.”
- “I am happy to try alternative treatments”.
- “With respect, I wouldn’t dream of telling you how to spend your money, and I don’t expect you to tell me how to spend mine.” (You may be tempted to add “But You should really consider getting another hairdresser/a better fitting suit/dress.” But avoid the temptation!)
3. Refer the ‘Health Professional’ to the NICE guidelines.
It really shouldn’t be your job to have to educate them. Gently stating that the guidelines do give some guidance on the kind of treatment that you should expect may encourage them to think a little more carefully about how they interact with you.
4. Make a complaint
Some people with ME might not have any problem making a complaint in the strongest terms. However, others may find this difficult. It is understandable if you feel reluctant to ‘kick up a fuss’, and you may feel that you have enough on your plate without having yet another task. However, consider the following:
- Demanding respect and professionalism isn’t ‘making a fuss’. it’s an entirely reasonable thing to do
- Sometimes we need to take action for our own sake
- Making a complaint may result in the next person with ME who encounters this ‘Health Professional’ receiving better treatment
Don’t feel obliged to complain. If it feels like the right thing to do, do it. If it doesn’t, then that’s ok too. We have to choose which issues to challenge, which to let go. However, if you choose not to take action, but notice that you are using up energy dwelling on it, then you may need to reconsider your decision.
I did once complain to the Practice Manager about a Doctor’s behaviour. Doing so helped get my anger out of my system. The Practice Manager and Doctor were apologetic (and probably shocked that someone had complained).
If you do decide to make a complaint, decide if you want to speak or write a letter to the person directly, and or/contact the appropriate Manager or complaints department.
5. Ask to see another Doctor/Healthcare Professional
You have the right to do this. I know it can be easier to stick with the ‘devil you know’, but sometimes we have to take risks. There is alway the possibility that you will find a Doctor/Health Professional who is really helpful, supportive and understanding.
A friend was once receiving daily visits from a nurse to have a wound dressed. One nurse was very rough and said to him “You just have to endure the pain.” He was very upset, as all the other nurses had been very gentle. He complained in the strongest terms to the Matron, and received assurance that the Nurse would be spoken to, and that she would not be allowed to visit him again. Initially he was concerned that she might be sent again, but she wasn’t, and he was very glad that he did complain, and received continued to receive exemplary care from the other nurses.
Closing Thoughts
Unfortunately there are people working in the Health Care profession who don’t always act with the professionalism, skill and care that they should; the clue is in the title: ‘Health Care’.
However, the more that people approach these encounters with an attitude of expecting professionalism and not being prepared to tolerate sub-standard service, the greater the likelihood that standards will improve.
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SIMON PIMENTA is a hypnotherapist, coach and trainer working with people to boost resilience and performance, and minimise stress. After working in a demanding job as the Director of a Housing Trust, he went off sick and remained unable to work for the next 8 years. He discovered a pioneering approach to resolving health issues and quickly got back his health, and now trains others using these same techniques, to help them become happier, healthier and achieve their goals.
If you decide to book a session with Simon, after a free consultation, the first session comes with a 100% money back guarantee: you only pay if you get value from the session. (T&Cs apply).