Coach and Trainer Simon Pimenta explores the importance of dealing with negative people
Anyone with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia is going to encounter people who are very negative. This may include people who:
1. Aren’t able to understand me/cfs. I looked at this topic in this article: ME/CFS/FM: Dealing With People Who Don’t Understand
2. Also have the condition, but who are negative about anything that you are trying to do to improve your health. It is extraordinary that people do this, but sadly there are people out there who may pour cold water on your attempts to get better. It may be that they feel guilty when they see someone putting effort into finding solutions when they are not, or they may have given up trying.
3. Are just generally negative people. Some people are like that. They seem to indulge in negativity, and are good at bring other people down.
Strategies for Dealing With Negative People
1. Avoid Them
It sounds obvious, but it can be easy to give these people more time than is good for YOU. Just short periods of time around these kind of people can leave you feeling drained. If you can, give these people a wide berth. If this is difficult, because they are a member of your family, for instance, consider the other strategies.
2. Step Into Their Shoes
Imagine for a minute what it must be like being them. Think about what they would be saying, how they are feeling. Not much fun is it? What age would you associate with their behaviour? Are they behaving like a grumpy teenager? Their behaviour certainly isn’t that of a mature person. People who are happy and content don’t go round spreading negativity.
3. Understanding
Understand that their negativity is based in fear. It may be fear of:
- Change
- Being seen to be at fault
- Not feeling safe and believing that bad things will happen
- Not being in control. One strategy for fearful person for dealing with this fear is to try and control others, thus gaining a sense of control.
Consider that their behaviour and the way they think is simply information about them. It’s nothing to do with you.
4. Compassion
“The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.” ~Peaceful Warrior
Once you remind yourself that this person is fundamentally not very happy, cultivate compassion for them, recognising that they are quite stuck, and that you don’t have to put up with them 24/7. They do have to live with themselves 24/7. That must be hard work.
6. Share Selectively
Choose carefully whom you choose to share personal information with. If you know that someone is going to try and undermine your efforts, avoid sharing your thoughts/ideas with them. If you have made the mistake of doing this once, avoid doing it again! Of course it is useful to get other people’s opinions, but we have to choose carefully who we listen to.
7. Take Charge of Your Wellbeing
Recognise that they have the right to their point of view, but that doesn’t have to impact on your point of view. If there is an approach that makes sense to you, then trust your instinct and give your full attention to it.
8. Express Your Point Of View
You have a right to your point of view. Without getting into a big discussion, say to them “Is that how you see things? That is one way of looking at things, I suppose.”
If they are pouring scorn over your attempts to take positive steps to improve your health, telling you that what you are doing won’t work, you could say, “We’ll see. I would rather try and fail, than not try at all.”
Closing Thoughts
It can be easy to get drawn in by negative people. Consider how you can take care of yourself. Your time and energy is precious and you need to ensure that your wellbeing isn’t adversely affected by negative people you may encounter. Having ME/CFS or fibromyalgia is challenging enough, without others adding to what you are dealing with.
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SIMON PIMENTA is a hypnotherapist, coach and trainer working with people to boost resilience and performance, and minimise stress. After working in a demanding job as the Director of a Housing Trust, he went off sick and remained unable to work for the next 8 years. He discovered a pioneering approach to resolving health issues and quickly got back his health, and now trains others using these same techniques, to help them become happier, healthier and achieve their goals.
If you decide to book a session with Simon, the first session comes with a 100% money back guarantee: you only pay if you get value from the session. (T&Cs apply).